Wishful Journey

I love being busy and keep myself busy. However, there is always a limit to everything. I'm at this point longing for a much needed escape from this crazy busy life. I really want to explore deep inside myself, which I always put behind because I thought it is right here. This desire to escape also came from recent thoughts about this crazy world full of hypocrisies.

Modern Imperialism

This recent re-reading of this article Why Do They Hate Us? provoked me a lot. When I read it a long time ago, I was too young or immature to care much. I had accepted all along that life was not perfect but I always thought human beings were getting better and we were not killing each other anymore. In fact, human beings are just becoming more vicious, manipulative and hypocritical. I just feel betrayed and fooled.

We are pretty much living in a world where the U.S. is dominating politically, economically and culturally through their foreign policies, trade polices, hollywood etc. Well, I understand that everyone is selfish and we all want to be the best. However, I'm against bettering ourselves in the expense of others who are less unfortunate and weak, which is bullying and inhumane.  And, worse, we have all seen the U.S. waging the wars all over the world in the name of humanity and patriotism. They tell the rest of the world- you shouldn't have these weapons; you shouldn't practice this policy because it's not safe for the rest of the world. With the inspiration of "Star Wars", we are the chosen ones so we have the responsibility to take care of the world. What bothers me so much is the hypocrisy, not everyone's desire to be powerful and the best.

I do not think the rest of the world who hate the U.S., their modern imperialism and hypocrisy are such great people either. They are all just resentful that it's not them having "the power''. 

It just seems so wrong that when you kill someone on the street, you are a murderer but when you kill thousands of people in the wars in the name of justice, patriotism, humanity, you claim yourself to be the chosen one who is taking care  of the world. I read this book called "Perpetual wars for perpetual peace" a long time ago. It's all about justifying all the wars the U.S. fought all over the world past century.  

The White Man's Burden

I read this book "The White Man's Burden" by William Esterly years ago. It's about why this "humanitarian" efforts of the West failed. To put it in the simplest way, the West efforts to give all the 'humanitarian' aids to all the poor countries around the world are just out of 'false benevolence'. Esterly explained that no one really cared about the progress of the unfortunates or eliminating the poverty; it's just the West project to feel good about themselves and to gain the humanitarian image. It's really shocking and sick. 

In reality, people who really care about helping the unfortunate ones getting out of the sickness and poverty do not really care about the image or any other benefits. Unfortunately, there aren't many who truly care.

So for us, the weak, poor and people of all colors, all we need to do is just to give ourselves best efforts to get out of the misery and to protect ourselves from being bullied, instead of hoping for some benevolent saviors.

I'm a dreamer who dreams of a utopia, the world with peace, harmony and love possesing a desirable perfection. It's quite frustrating to think of this imperfect world. It's even more frustrating that I cannot do much about it. However, there is "one thing'' I can do for sure. I can change myself. I can always try to know better and to become a better person. That's what I've always been aiming for and will always do.  That's why the next journey I want to go and explore is the deeper level of my own mind :)

"Looks" pressure on Asian women

I'm inspired to blog after reading this: Fat for an Asian. I’m a big believer of ‘’true beauty comes from within”. However, in Asian culture, there is still so much pressure on women regarding their appearance. For men, they are well accepted if they are successful in whatever they are pursuing….The awful thing is that they criticize women almost “publicly” about their look. When I was a kid, almost everyone said ‘’oh her brother is so cute but she’s not.’’ It made me feel bad every time. I wasn’t as favored as my brother- they all loved him no matter how annoying he could be…! Then my mom said ‘’look is not important, just focus on other things to become a better person’’.

I was always in a top 10 list in school but never chosen as a beauty for any of school ceremonies. It bothered me that I wasn’t popular. It bothered me even more that I didn’t feel ‘accepted’’ and ‘’favored’’.  

The qualities they consider beautiful for women are lighter skin with slim/thin body. I was born with not fair skin and I was a little bit “chubby” for their standards.

Now that I have lived in a different culture/country where there are different expectations and standards about beauty/looks. I have learned that beauty comes from within and true beauty is confidence-loving yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin with all the imperfections.

However, I still know that the pressure for women over Asia is still pretty high. Even if you are comfortable in your own skin that you were born with, if they don’t consider you beautiful and accept you as beautiful, it’s still pretty tough for a lot of women over there. I think it’s so wrong but I can’t change the society or people how to think and what to accept. I can't even change my own parents to accept me as who I am ( well that's a whole different issue :) ). It’s so frustrating....I’m pretty happy here as being who I am and very comfortable in my own skin. But I just wonder sometimes if they could change…or if women as a whole can stand strong and fight to be accepted as who they are? Chances still seem to be thin…

"ONE" True Love?

I haven't seen movies for quite a long time. I got rid of my TV because NY has occupied me so much more than anything else. Finally, I wanted to see a 'good' romantic movie but also wanted to make sure it's not same cliche that I've seen it several times. I did my research and came across "Before Sunrise''. I love it!

Before Sunrise

The movie itself doesn't have much of a story. It portrays the two strangers randomly met on the train in Europe while traveling, and the one night they spent together in Vienna. So, they both consider this is probably only one time they would be together so they are completely in the moment and honest in their interactions with each other. They talk about their beliefs and doubts in life and love, their childhood experience etc.

What I really like is how it seems to be quite realistic in portraying the connection of the two people. It's not like ''they just fall in love at first sight and be all over each other and spend the most amazing romantic time together in Vienna''. It shows the development of their connection gradually through their conversations.

Before Sunset

I didn't expect much from the sequel because the sequel normally sucks. But it turned out to be pretty good. Nine years later, they met again in Paris. It shows how their views about life and love matured with time.  It's quite amazing that they are still the same persons but they seem to become more practical not so fanciful and hopeful about life 9 years ago. In fact, people are pretty much the same since they were born. Then throughout our life, we learn from our life experience, moments in life and other external knowledge.

"We are the sum of all the moments of our lives" said Jesse in the beginning of the movie. It's quite true. The moments we experience in our lifetime defines who we are, what we believe and why we do certain things in certain ways. That's why I really think that every human being is so complex that it's really hard to put one person in "ONE" category.

Celine in Before Sunrise said "if there is any kind of magic in this world, it must be in an attempt of understanding someone and sharing something." Both movies are of course about how life could be almost empty and meaningless without this one person you are truly connected with and in love with. And also it portrays how it's amazing to be with that one person even if it is 'one night' or 'one afternoon'. That 'one' true love matter, I'm not really comfortable believing it. Like most people, I do want to believe in 'true love' but I do not want to believe in life being miserable without ''ONE" person.

 People are normally very friendly when they are traveling. They want to talk to you and, most of the time, they have no shield because they believe that they are not gonna see you again. I think if people are honest and 100% in the moment in an amazing place, they can truly connect. Maybe not with everyone...

I'm much of a dreamer myself but still quite cynical about love. I encountered some amazing awesome strangers while I was traveling :) I did have amazing moments with each of them. I was of course in the moment and very open to them. But, I did not fall in love with anyone. Instead, I'm just in love with life itself...♥♥♥

Oh and I love the song "Come here" :)

Take me to the next destination!!!

I know I know but I really can't help thinking of traveling again after seeing this amazing pinterest board -
Nature, Places and Cities

So MANY beautiful places in the world I am dreaming of exploring, seeing, feeling, experiencing....Is it too unrealistic to hope for the world being a borderless place for everyone in my lifetime? wishful thinking....

New Wisdoms

As usual, I'm always entertained with thoughts of growth and learning. It's always so amazing to learn new things in life that are very valuable to my own personal growth.

1. "NO REASONABLE" talk in relationships/friendships

Often, we argue/disagree with people who are really close to us, those we love and care about. It happens a lot to me. I always want to "WIN" the argument and I would give you 'thousands' of reasons why I'M RIGHT! But, the other side will be also arguing with me why they are right. Most of the times, it's very frustrating and sometimes, emotionally exhausting for both sides. I do not like it at all. I talked to my little brother about it. He told me that you can't do the 'reason' talk in relationships/friendships. It just doesn't work. People are very different and each person's sensibility and reasons are so different and personal. He said the best is to just understand the other person has a point and agree with that person. He said it's not important at all that you are right or whether it's fair or not if you really care about the other person.

2. Faith in abundance in life

Basically, this faith comes from optimism. Believing that even 'losing' something is NOT the END of the WORLD because there will be other things or other opportunities in life. I do have so much faith in abundance in life. But, I learned about myself that there are some areas I still need to work on having that same faith I have in other areas. The other day, I was telling RT, my best friend, that I'm not quite there yet with my life where I want to be. Then, he told me that 'you are just limiting yourself in just those certain areas and not being fair to yourself.' He's so right about it. Sometimes, we see very 'specific' things and forget about all other things we learned/accomplished/achieved. However, that doesn't mean that all these abundance will come to my way without me doing anything. I believe so much in ACTION and putting 100% effort in reaching my goals and making my dreams come true. I also take pride in hard work as much as I love leisure :)

Awesome Weekend-Getaway in Caribbean!

"Travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer". That's my inspiration now that I'm broke from all the traveling this year :)
Home, Myanmar in January
Grand Canyon, LA, Vegas in April
Costa Rica, August
Puerto Rico, end of Aug
( I decided to cancel the trip to CO in Oct :(....due to financial constraint)

Some of my friends are telling me that I'm living a dream life. Some think I must have a lot of money but not true at all. If you can dream about it, you can make it happen right? Well I'm not the person who cares about big fat bank account or mortgage loan. I'm one who cares about living life to the fullest in the moment :) And luckily, I have no debt, tuition loans and educational debt. I was pretty lucky to get full financial aid from the college I went. One day, when I'm rich, I'll be donating lots to Colorado College :)

A group of my girl friends had been talking about girls weekend getaway in Caribbean. So we finally made it happen and went to San Juan, Puerto Rico for the labor day weekend!

The house we rented was right off the beach. It was the beach that I have been dreaming/longing for a long time. A perfect Caribbean white-sand beach with amazing clear beautiful blue/green ocean, nicely shaded by palm trees!! Just exactly the way I wanted it :) The water was perfectly nice and warm!

First day, we just chilled on the beach and swam in the water. We then went for a delish Mexican lunch and cocktails nearby. Then a nice stroll along the beach and a siesta on the beach :)

It was supposed to be not too touristy season because of the weather. But, we were so lucky that it was all nice and sunny all three days we were there.

In the evening, we went out and did bar hopping in old San Juan. Old San Juan is a nice clean little town. There are some bars, restaurants, shops, hotels, hostels there. I heard that there was a hollywood film crew with Ben Afleck, Justin Timberlake and co were there then. A couple of my friends who arrived a day earlier saw them shooting :)

As usual, we made some new friends at bars :) I ended up talking to this tall French dude from southern France. He was super friendly and very gentleman, and really engaged in conversing with me. Oh by the way, I have been wanting to see a FULL MOON on the beach. Yes, everytime I went to a beach, the moon wasn't there. Luckily, the full moon was there that time!! I got super excited about it! So after bar hopping, I really really wanted to go to the beach under the moonlight. So all our new friends tagged along with us to our beach. We all hanged out on the beach. Then someone started jumping into the water :) Then another girl friend of mine, the French dude and I also jumped into the ocean. It was AMAZING!! We only came back when the security came and warned us about the current and sharks (I didn't believe it) to get out of water. But I got what I wanted! swimming in the ocean under the moonlight and starlight, and bonus, an interesting conversation with a great company! :)

Next day, I couldn't get up early of course. My other friends were SO SWEET to not wake us up. I felt quite guilty because I planned to make breakfast omelette for all of them before going to a picnic in the rain forest. I couldn't even help with preparing for the picnic :(

Picnic by the waterfall in the rain forest was such an awesome idea! Three of my favorite things in life- food, friends and nature :) all in one! The view during the drive to the rain forest was amazing too. I really enjoyed driving in the jungle of rain forest once more after Costa Rica.

Our beautiful picnic food thanks to those lovely ladies :)

I can never get enough of waterfalls!

We then went to a beach resort for more chilling, Jacuzzis and cocktails :)  Then we had some adventurous driving to see the bio bay! We thought we could just drive there and see the bio bay. We didn't know that we had to be in their guided tour to do that. So that was one glitch there. But probably it was for all good because it was around full moon so even if we went on guided tour, we wouldn't probably be able to see the bio bay. You can't have it ALL, can you?

The last day was tricky because we had to leave for the airport before 7p. I still wanted to go to another beach called Culebra but it was pretty far to get there. Plus, I unfortunately had to work remotely. So we just pretty much relaxed on the beach and went to old San Juan for lunch. The traffic in that little town during the day was really bad. It took us more than an hour to park. However, we had an amazing Puerto Rican meal :)

Yummy Pork Monfongo!

Shrimp dish, Fish tacos and pork monfongo

I had to come back to the house to work for a few hours. My friends hanged around old San Juan until before we took off for the airport.

It was a short but lovely weekend getaway :) 

Priceless memories of Costa Rica tour

I know it sounds cliché but I LOVE traveling!! I grew up in a place where people hardly know anything about the world outside. After all kinds of obstacles, 9 years ago, I was able to manage to get out of my lovely but closed world, Burma. I was super excited about coming to U.S. for college in CO. I’ve been to 17 states in the U.S and only 6 countries in these past 9 years. Not anywhere close to how far and wide I want to travel due to all kinds of limitations I have but I know I will get there one day.

Back in March, my sweet college friend from Costa Rica emailed me that she was getting married in Aug. I RSVP right away I would go as I promised her 8 years ago back in college. Later, I asked one of my besties, MZ, with whom I just had an amazing trip to Grand Canyon, LA and Vegas! She instantly agreed to go with me.

I am so in love with NY for so many reasons but always nice to get away from a crazy busy life every now and then!  We were welcomed and picked up at the San Jose Airport by my sweet friend and her family. We had our first Costa Rican meal in San Jose with my friend and her then fiancé.

Two Days of Paradise in Montezuma

Next morning, my friend dropped us off at the bus station to Jaco beach. We decided to go there because it was closest to San Jose and we needed to be back for her wedding on Sat. At the bus station, I sensed a stare from this tall big blonde dude. I knew right away he wouldn’t be an American because people don’t stare here in U.S. In Europe, people stare each other strangely J

Right almost we arrived Jaco, I ended up chatting with that dude who was staring. He sounded quite friendly and speaks English perfectly. He’s from Germany and was on his way to Montezuma for surfing three weeks. According to him, that place sounded amazing- nice and quiet beach, less touristy with only surfers, yogis and hot hippies J, and surrounded by beautiful nature. When we saw Jaco beach, I wasn’t impressed at all. We had the hotel booked there but I wanted to go to Montezuma instead and change the whole plan. The dude said we could stay with him; that I wasn’t convinced. My next job was to convince Min to go together. She was quite skeptical and thought it was crazy J I was like ‘it’s fun to be spontaneous! And we’d be together and could take care of each other if anything.’ But I trusted my instincts that he was a good person.

So we finally decided to tag along with that German dude to Montezuma. It was already quite fun on the speedboat crossing the bay. I was so ready for spontaneous adventures! When we arrived, I wanted to look for a place to stay but we decided to go check out the place he’s going to stay. We found that place LOVELY and AMAZING! Right on the beach with beautiful lawns, palm trees, hammocks and facing beautiful rocky ocean! It was like in a dream but it was real J We decided to stay there.

Three of us spent amazing afternoon and evening together- lunch on the sunny beach lawn facing the ocean and stroll on the beach. We found a coconut on the beach! The German dude was quite persistent cracking that coconut. And quite amazingly, he peeled off the coconut with his own hands. He was very kind and fed us coconut piece by piece when we were playing in the water. As women, we tend to get suspicious whenever a man is too nice to us and wonder what we would have to give back. However, three of us had such an awesome rare instant chemistry and turned out a wonderful company of three. We liked that he was very funny, caring and charming, and had done a great deal of amazing adventures in his life. A little while later, M told me “you are CRAZY but thanks to your optimism and spontaneity, we are having a blast now”

We enjoyed the evening with wine and got high a bit and it was the FIRST time for the German J  Next morning, we had a lovely breakfast at the place. We went out to check out the waterfalls in the area. Neither of us were prepared for hiking in the slippery rain forest- we were wearing flip flops (we left the sneakers in SJ). Our German Knight in Dragon Tattoos was there to rescue two Asian damsels in distress.J It felt so safe to do whatever and go wherever with him. I have been almost fearless since a child but it still felt nice to be protected.

(Regarding tattoos, the German might have had a hard time convincing us to tag along with him if I saw those tattoos early on. It was covered with his long sleeve shirt fortunately. I know it’s superficial but going to a place we had no clue about in a foreign country with a big strange tattoo guy doesn’t sound quite a good idea) J

We climbed up the waterfall- yes even M did it! It was amazing!! I got so excited once I got to shower under the waterfall. Later, we went to dip in the small natural pool in front of the hotel right off from the ocean. That was lovely too. I dived into the water twice! I haven't done it for such a long time that I was afraid to do it. But it felt amazing after I did it. Later, we just had a very relaxing evening sipping wine sitting in the hammock and chitchatting.

Later at night, I got them go out to check out the night life in that small little town. There is this bar with a dancing floor with music playing. It was quite lively there. M and I got our NY party spirit and had quite fun dancing with Latino music. J By the way, I always am curious and love street foods. I had hotdogs from the street cart there and it was so yummy!! We came back and hanged out a little bit outside on the lawn and called it the day.

We left next morning with 6:30 am bus to make it on time for the wedding in San Jose. Both M and I agreed that we couldn't imagine anything better than those two days- beautiful place, perfect weather, lots of fun activities, enjoyable and relaxing the same time, and lots of laughters with a wonderful company. It was quite crazy and spontaneous. All I asked for was nice sunshine on the beach, and I'm quite grateful that I've got a lot more than what I asked for. Such a great memory that will always have a special place in my heart....

Costa Rican Wedding in San Jose

We arrived San Jose barely two hours before the wedding! Very glad that we made it. My friend's family is so nice- they are such very nice people. They truly were so happy to have us there and took such a good care of us. Although I personally still have little idea of how someone could know THE ONE for the rest of their life, I love wedding ceremonies - they are FUN! And my friend really seemed so happy and the man she married also seemed to really love her. So I'm really happy for both. But the whole wedding ceremony was in Spanish so M and I were both completely lost. We were the only two Asians there. At the reception, we were seated with all other couples who don't speak English. But, we did enjoy the dancing as always J and the food was great too.

La Fortuna Adventures

Next morning after the wedding, my friend's dad dropped us off at the bus station to La Fortuna. We were both excited for more adventures, waterfalls and volcano! After the break on the bus, M and I lost our seats together. I got a seat next to this Spanish guy from Barcelona. He started talking to me. I'm all about meeting new people and curious about them. So I was chatting with him for a while. He also wanted to hang out with us of course J But I didn't think that he would get along with us the way the German dude did. So I just disappeared on him once the bus arrived J.

The hotel we stayed, Arenal Lodge, was quite lovely. It was on top of a small mountain with amazing view of Arenal volcano from our hotel room! It was pretty fun to drive the twisted and steep uphill roads with manual shift!! M was pretty impressed that I know how to drive the manual shift :) 

First day we went horseback riding to La Fortuna waterfall! It was a beautiful ride out in the open amazing scenery of nature and volcano - my only complaint was that it was with a group of 30 ppl. My horse, Camela, and I had lots of fun. She wants to lead, knows what she wants to do and she likes to eat :)

M and I got into the water at the waterfall. It was amazing and very beautiful clear water. But we couldn't stay longer in the water. That's why I always avoid guided tours- you don't have the flexibility to do whatever you want to do. But that was the only guided tour we did. After that, we rented a car so that we have more flexibility.

Later, we went to Arenal volcano national park to hike up the lava trail. That was quite a nice little adventure of our own. We were the only two persons on that trail, which I like it so much better. I don't want to see many people when I'm out in the nature except for my own company. We almost got lost twice. The fact that it was just us and no GPS or cell phone connection got M scared a little bit. But for me, it's part of the fun of hiking in the woods/forests to figure out your way. She later told me that it feels quite safe to go with me because I don't get freaked out in those kinds of situations. :) 

Next day, we took the morning quite easy relaxing and took a short hike around the hotel. Oh by the way, the hotel buffet breakfast was quite amazing. Every morning, I had a big omelette, sausages, rice and beans, a pancake, fried plantains, tropical fruits and coffee- yes ALL of them at each breakfast :P 

I did the canopy tour in the afternoon- M was sweet enough to tag along with me although she's afraid of height to do that. I tried to get her do that too but she didn't do it. It was SO MUCH FUN- loved the thrill of the ride, the speed and amazing panoramic view of the mountains and forests! 

In our last day, we went for white water rafting! that was lots of fun too. It was private for just us and the two guides. They were pretty fun guys and they made the whole experience really fun for us. The view along the river was very beautiful as well.

M and I got us a couple of bottles of beer and snacks for us to enjoy the evening. We tried to make our own party by the bridge surrounded by an amazing view. But we couldn't handle the mosquitos out there. So we did our farewell party by the pool at the hotel. The sky was clear for the first time and we saw the stars!! It was such a beautiful night. It was quality time for M and me :) Well, all the times we spend together have been always quality.

It was pretty sad to leave. Most of the time, I know when to go home. But this time, I wasn't quite ready for that....It was the most AMAZING WONDERFUL trip to date for both of us :)

A test for the Strenghth

Haven't been blogging for so long.....I got caught up with so many other things going on lately. It's SUMMER!! I love NY Summer- so many social activities, events, other outdoor activities are going on all around me....!!

Anyways, in the mean time, I've been thinking a lot about mental, emotional and physical strength lately. Although so many exciting things are going on, at the same time, I have had a few accidents and health issues lately.
I had dental surgery- yeah they cut my gums and had stitches in my lower front teeth.
I had ankle sprained from an accident falling through uneven sidewalk.
I had a bike accident and got a slightly big cute across my thigh.
All those happened in not far apart from each other....

There were also some other challenges about managing my time....work, friends, CPA exam, travel plans. There were moments that I felt really stressful. But then I warned myself why I should feel frustrated and stressed. Life could have a lot more challenging situations. If I can't handle this, I will not be able to handle much bigger issues. So I stayed focused and encouraged myself to hang in there and stay strong. And I focused on all other positive things and felt grateful for all those.

I did survive all those difficulties. I think I passed one step up to become stronger :)

Can We Ever Be Enough?

I have seen fair amounts of parents-children relationship here in the U.S. and western culture, and also heard about it from my friends. They have so much freedom compared to how we grew up. The parents here just want their children to be happy so they have a lot less interference with their children life.

I had to fight so hard for what I wanted for things that are most simple matters for the kids here and my non-Asian friends. My parents are quite flexible and understanding compared to other Burmese parents. However, still, I had so many battles and arguments with them all my life.

I'm fine with fighting hard for what I want to the extent that makes me stronger and grow mature. However, when it gets to a point that I have to fight for their acceptance and respect for who I am, it gets really frustrating and makes me sad and angry.

Also, the parents never seem to be satisfied with you. I understand that they want the best for you. Sometimes, it is a great force for us to become better persons. But, when you want to share the moments of happiness from the success and accomplishments, those moments seem to be rare.

My ex-boyfriend got accepted by all the schools he applied except Harvard. He went to Princeton. His parents complained:
Why did you not get into Harvard?

My brother is a great son for my parents. He pretty much did fulfill a lot of their wishes that I didn't fulfill. I did not go to the medical school I got accepted because I wanted to come to the U.S. but my brother did. He lives with my parents while I live across the world. Now my brother is going to marry this girl he's in love with. They complained:
 Why do you not marry a doctor? or a very pretty girl?


To me, they said " you always do everything you want against us. We are asking ONLY ONE thing. You must marry a Burmese man unless you want to see us unhappy and die sooner."
If I do marry a Burmese guy, they'll probably say "Why is he not a doctor?"

My ex wasn't so happy getting into Princeton because his parents didn't share his success.
My little brother is also upset that our parents do not share his happiness for finding the one to spend his life with.
I'm also so scared to fall in love with someone who is not Burmese.

No matter how strong I am and believe in myself, my parents' acceptance, respect and happiness are still so important to me. I just hope I can find a way to make them happy about me.

Thoughts from "They call it Myanmar"

I went to see this documentary screening for "They call it Myanmar" this past weekend in Brooklyn, Williamsburg. The film itself is not that amazing. It was more about cliche messages I keep hearing all this time such as "Burma is under this cruel military junta for half century; people are suffering etc...." But it is probably functional enough to give the idea of what Burma is for those who don't know.

It is really sad that this 50 millions population have been totally invisible in the world although they have got so much potentials. I don't want to talk about human rights, freedom and injustice everyone talks about here. I just want to share a few thoughts from my own personal point of view.

Buddhism

It is a big part of our culture, and probably 90% of population is Buddhists. It is our identity as Burmese- influence our daily life in so many ways.  But it is more of a culture and tradition than of really understanding and practicing the real philosophy of Buddhism.

The most unbearable thing for me as a teenager was to see people 'accepting' their life with their own Buddhist way of thinking. They said whatever they are suffering now is because they did bad things in their past lives. Let set aside whether I believe in reincarnation or the whole Buddhism. It is just not right to justify your present sufferings with something that you can't prove it or have seen it.

I was born and raised as Buddhist as most other Burmese are. My parents are devout Buddhists. I questioned so much about Buddhism as a teenager. It's actually more of philosophy than a religion to me. And this philosophy from 2500 years ago have passed along so many people all these years. So not sure how much of it is still true.


The essence of Buddhism to me is about liberating from all the sufferings of being humans. So we, Burmese, should be focusing on that liberation instead of accepting the sufferings.

As a rebellious teenager, I thought the only way to liberate from this armed illegal regime was to 'fight' them with arm force so that we are on equal grounds. But now that I grow older, I learned that fighting them is simply having the courage to say "NO" to things that we don't want, in all levels in our society.

Our problem is that we are all scared and afraid to lose very few things that we have left to lose. A lot of us saw horrifying things in 1988; even I remember those incidents as 5 years old kid.
And the other problem is that we do not talk to strangers in our culture :) There is barely public discourse about people talking about their ideas and thoughts. It is hard to spread that idea of peaceful resistance. Well, Aung San Suu Kyi was the first to try but I'm not sure how most people really understand it.

Ignorant Bliss

Does that peaceful Buddhist mindset makes Burmese people content as most foreigners think? When I was traveling to see the remote parts of the country past January, there are so many people in those North West mountainous areas, who live their life in very basic ways. ( Well even the urban Burmese population lives like 100 or more years ago.)

Someone said "look at these people, they don't have much in their life but they live simple, lack of greed and very peaceful and happy."
I think it is more important to ask whether they are really happy knowing all their options as human beings or they are happy because they just don't know if they can live better than this with opportunities given.

That's why the major agenda of the military regime was to isolate us from the rest of the world. That way we do not know what we are missing and how we could get better; most importantly, we do not ask for better things from the government.

Poverty

Luckily, I came from the middle class family but both my parents came from poor families. My father, whose parents were simple poor farmers, made his way through the schools and he's now Chief Engineer of a govt. enterprise. In his village, people quit school after elementary school because that's how far you can go within the village. I don't know if I would ever go to school if it was that difficult to go to school.

He said he was afraid of being poor and did not want to work in the farms so he studied instead. My father is such a great hard worker. So his example seems like quite inspiring and promising like in the movies; "If you work hard and are educated, you can make your way through the top." However it is not that simple. My father has his friends from the university who are working under him. They went to the same engineering school, they all struggled to make that far.

The problem in Burma is that every single one has their own struggles and have to fight for very few limited opportunities- whether it is a job to feed the family or a career that you have always dream about. What we are mainly deprived is opportunities. I'm 100% sure that those of my father's friends wouldn't want to work under their own friend. But they have no choice or option.

If you think about 50 million population and at least 40 millions are poor. And I do not believe that they don't try hard enough. But, you can't try hard to get something that's not even there! 

NGOs and INGOs

We all at one point want to make a difference for our society. We want to be heroes and heroines who save lives of disadvantaged and poor. But the problem is that most of us don't know how. When you see someone lacking something, you think giving that is a solution.

All these NGOs and INGOs are mostly working on curing the symptoms instead of disease. My brother was working for a nutrition project in a French NGO at the border of Burma and Bangladesh. So they provide them medical treatments and nutrition packets for the malnutrition children.

Some of the mothers make their own children starved in order to get food packets. Apparently, they sell those packets in the market to get money to feed their multiple children at home.  Some people come to clinic holding other people mucus infected with TB in their mouth so they can get money, food, medicines.

It is heartbreaking to know these stories but the problem is the poverty and lack of opportunities for all these people. But I know it is harder to tackle these problems.

Returning home or Not?

So we have got all these problems and issues. Can we fix it?

I had family dinner with a former Burmese ambassador, great grandson of former Burmese minister during the reigns of the last Kings. He is very energetic, and very open-minded, not old fashion like other old people. He was asking me a lot of questions about how to fix Burma :) In the end, he said "we need people like you. You have to come back one day."

I have asked myself this question so many times. I argue both sides- pros and cons. It is NOT anywhere close to an easy decision.

I went home every summer during college hoping that I could do something. I always came back frustrated. True that we have a lot of problems but somehow there is almost no opportunity to fix those.

The question is not about whether we, who are western educated, want to do things and make a difference for our country. The question is whether we are allowed and free to do anything to fix those problems.


And the other part of me is that life is short and I want to live my life to the fullest, happily and freely. As a selfish human being as I am, I have all these needs and wants:
I want to control my own destiny.

I want to be free intellectually, physically and emotionally.

I want to learn and grow.

I really am not sure all these needs can be satisfied back in my own land......

mystery of "OTHER" People

I went for a refreshing run outside by the E river for my study break. Running is always so amazing and it clears my head. But my mind is always active so I barely stop thinking. I was looking at other people who were running and wondered what they would be thinking too :)

I know all these people have their own stories in their heads. They have no idea who I am and what I am thinking about either. In our life time, how many people do we really get to know? Even among those people we are close, how much of their stories do we know? I think there is still not much. One of my best friends, MZ, and I spend a lot of time together since we are in the same school and have very similar schedule. We do talk a lot about our stories; what we want in life, about our family, our childhood and of course boys :) But still, there are so many stories left to be told. Even three years relationship with my ex, there were a lot of times we were like 'oh I didn't know that about you.'

When I was young until before I came here, school and education took all my energy. I know it was kind of pathetic that school was my 'only' focus. I was brainwashed that if I had other interests, my grade would get hurt and I wouldn't stay on top of the class. I did not know much about my high school friends. I really didn't know them at all. All I know was that we were all VERY COMPETITIVE! We were friends on the surface but we were always competing against each other. It's a shame.

What killing me is that I want to know the SECRET stories of other people- ones they barely share with other people :) Those are the ones that are REAL and that you can learn a lot about human nature.

With all the constraints and limitations we have, I just realized how little we can know about other people in our lifetime.

Inspiration from being the real "YOU"

In this moment, I guess I'm all entertained with the thoughts of being yourself and loving yourself :) Recently, I read an article on NY Times called "The Creative Monopoly" by David Brooks. The article discusses about individual creativity view points of Peter Thiel,  an American venture capitalist.

Some of the main points are:
"we tend to confuse capitalism with competition. We tend to think that whoever competes best comes out ahead."

"We often shouldn’t seek to be really good competitors. We should seek to be really good monopolists. Instead of being slightly better than everybody else in a crowded and established field, it’s often more valuable to create a new market and totally dominate it."

(In politics) "They (politicians) get engulfed in a tit-for-tat competition to win the news cycle. Instead of being new and authentic, they become artificial mirror opposites of their opponents."

 We all know that the U.S. is the country that focuses so much on individualism. I think that's one of the many reasons why creative industries here are very successful, such as film, music and entertainment industries.

People often try so hard to be 'creative' because that is such a great quality to have. Being creative is actually being authentic and original of yourself, not following the crowd and not the same way other people do or think. I think a lot of us struggle with that. The more we know about how other people do things and succeed, the more we want to follow the same suit. But in reality, all the respect and admiration are reserved for those who built their own road and walked that road.

Piccaso said "All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once you grow up." Children are creative because the whole world is NEW to them and they do not have much knowledge about other people and past memories. So they INVENT the whole world themselves.  That's why sometimes we need to "unlearn" something to learn a new skill.

Somehow, it seems so hard to be original after you learned so much. However, still, I'd rather be 'weird' being myself instead of 'good' imitating someone else.

Inspiration from love of yourself

We hear people say 'be yourself' all the time but I still think that a lot of people struggle to be themselves. There are several reasons for that:
1. a desire to be part of the community such as country, race, ethnicity, group of friends and company
2. the limited understanding of what is being a successful person, a likable person, an influential person etc...
3. lack of knowledge of your own strengths and abilities
4. fear of being judged by others around you
5. not believing in your capabilities
6. unrealistic and unreasonable standards of what you consider a better version of you

Sadly, so many people "try" to be who they ''think" is the best person they can be. Some people have a lot to complain about themselves and find all the reasons to be unhappy. They might hide it well and fake themselves. However, those are really not people you want to be around.

There are people who are confident and comfortable as being who they are. And you can easily see why they are the way they are. Then, there are those rare people who do not apparently seem the best in conventional standards but they still love themselves so much. Those are really the ones that inspire me most and want to know them more.

It is so refreshing to be around those people who really love themselves and are comfortable in their own skins. I know that everyone is not perfect but the best is still to love who you are while understanding that you are still work in process to be a better person each and everyday.

Stress as an Opportunity for Growth

As I'm interested in various kinds of growth, I am currently having lots of thoughts about mental/intellectual growth. Some people are mentally stronger than other people- they can handle zillions of things mentally and physically while other people are struggling just to carry on a few daily basic human routines such as eating and sleeping, assuming all these people have equal opportunities in their lives.

First step for growth is facing a challenge voluntarily or involuntarily. I remember myself being afraid of becoming a first grader after kindergarten. I thought the first grade was much more challenging when browsing the textbooks. It made me stressed for the first time in my life :). I had no choice and became the first grader. So whenever we are challenged intellectually or physically or in a position for potential danger, we become stressed.

When we find ourselves stressed, it is a sign that we are in a dangerous/challenging position that is beyond our normal comfortable zone. It is also the time that we are being tested- how strong we are and how capable we are to handle certain things. Once we have learned something new or resolved a difficult problem or passed an obstacle, we have grown to another level in that area. Therefore, whenever we become stressed, it is great for us to know that we are being challenged and it is our opportunity for further growth as a human being :)

A Trip to remember

 I always love traveling. Well I know very few people who hate traveling anyways. It's always AMAZING to see all new scenes, new experience, new different people and all that! But this recent trip I went was one of the very few that are most memorable for me in so many ways.
One of my best friends, MZ, and I have been really close starting the end of last year. We had instant chemistry since we first met 2 years ago. She is one of the most awesome people I have known- very energetic, almost always happy, being always in the moment. She and I have many things in common including this very infamous behavior, constantly being late for everything. Good thing is that whenever we meet up, we never have any complaint about that because we are both always late:D

So a few months back, she asked me to join this trip to Vegas with a few other girl friends. Of course, I instantly agreed to it although I have been there before. I thought it'd be really fun to go with a group of girl friends. But then she and I started talking like since we would be in the area, we wanted to visit other places nearby. So of course, Grand Canyon was on top of our list. Then she said we should stop by LA on the way too.

Three Days in Vegas

We had LOADS of FUN in Vegas. As always, I don't 'force' myself that I "have to'' have fun. I just let it loose myself and just go with it! But I knew it was gonna be fun. We were all in the same page! Yes, it was that amazing. All six girls together have amazing great energy to just enjoy the moments! We all LOVE food, want to dance away, relax. No one pressured anyone to do anything. We were UP for pretty much everything. No one complained about anything.

During the evenings, we'd all be busy getting ready to go out. It took us a couple of hours to get ready. Six girls had to share bathroom, mirrors etc. We did get a HUGE bathroom in that Bella Suite at the Palazzo hotel. One of us was making drinks for everyone making sure we were ready for the night! :) We'd be helping each other with make-ups, hair, dress etc. We all looked amazing so it was so easy for us everywhere we went.:) We would not be afraid of talking to some random strangers. We always got into one of those clubs and got free drink tickets. 

Last night there, a lot of crazy stories at Marque ;) (I'm gonna keep it pro here) It was a FUN night!!!  MZ got completely drunk and VL had to carry her back to the hotel. Next morning, I woke up at 5:30 and I wanted MZ and VL to get up at 6 so that we can hit the road at 8 for GC. But MZ was hangover. She was completely out of it. She even told us to leave without her. I got worried that it'd not be fun anymore. But VL and I packed her things ourselves, and got her go with us. 

 One Night in Grand Canyon
We got our rental car and hit the road about 10. So I knew that we can't go hiking in GC that day. A couple of hours after driving, VL got motion sickness and threw up. Min was still sick from hangover. At that point, I really thought this trip was ruined. They were not only not excited about GC, they were totally out of shape for hiking up there.

HOWEVER, some kind of MAGIC happened, once after I parked the car at GC and we saw the canyons, both of them got really excited and they didn't look like they were before!! We all got so excited: MZ and I got icecream drumsticks, and really fully enjoyed the moments. The main visitor areas were so crowded with lots of visitors; which was not that fun. But we did a little more walking and found some parts less crowded but still have amazing views of canyons.

Then we checked out our camping equipments and got food for camping at the store. We took a while there that we missed to see the sunset. Well it's a waste of time to be upset so I got over it and got excited about camping instead! So we arrived our camp ground when it was already dark. Once we got there, we tried to set up the fire. Interestingly, setting up the fire is NOT EASY. We threw up papers and all that. We did have those pine circles to start the fire. Then later, I figured out how to USE them to catch the fire. Anyways, we finally had a beautiful campfire!

Then setting up the tent, neither of them knew how to set up the tent. I had very little idea too because previous camping trips, other ppl did those stuff. But I like figuring things out. So I tried hard to figure out. They were just watching me figuring out how to set up the tent. :) But I didn't complain them because they really were clueless about it, so I just found it funny. They were pretty good at cheering me up though! Then the tent was set finally! So it was time to make food. Past two camping trips, I had quesadilla and loved it; they are pretty simple to make and still delicious. Great food for camping! But I'll try something else for next camping trip. I just put ham tubes for the meat, instead of grilled chicken. So it was with tomatoes, cheese, ham, salsa, avocados. Delicious!

Then we started talking by the fire. They both said I'm really like a man, who knows how to fix all those things- did the driving, setting up the fire and the tent and also cooking. But I'm always impatient and forget about everything. MZ was a great planner of the trip. She planned all those in advance. If I were the one to plan things, it would be all screwed up. VL is very patient and she remembers everything. Yeah we were such an awesome team.
At one point, we were talking really loud, laughing out loud about ourselves and all those stories in Vegas. Well we thought it was in the woods so we had no one to care about :) I was talking about some stupid stories in Vegas. We pretty much announced, not intentionally of course :), what we were going to do. At one point, two people suddenly appeared right behind VL and told her to keep the volume down because they could hear everything we say! We got quite embarrassed but we couldn't stop laughing about it. We were giggling in the tent till we fell asleep. Laughter is so contagious! Sharing laughter is such a beautiful thing.

Next day, I woke up at 5 am. It was really really cold when I woke up. I wanted to see the sunrise so I set up my inner biological alarm. True, I have that. If I really want to wake up at this particular time, I do wake up that time without real alarm clock. I woke them up a few mins after. They didn't want to get up but I told them we missed the sunset, we should see the sunrise and it'd be amazing. They did get up and we drove there. We had to wait a few mins over the edge of a canyon. The sunrise was amazing!

We planned to leave there 2 pm the latest since we got 8 hrs of driving to LA. So we had a half day to do hiking there. We chose a 4-6 hrs hike trail called South Kaibab. Hiking into the canyon was a totally different experience. It was not like other trails I did in CO, NY, NJ and ME. It was pretty much bare steep slope all the way going down towards the bottom. But the views were so beautiful! It was all breathtaking! We enjoyed those views and we checked out some random good looking guys along the trail :).  The going down part was much easier. The way up was A LOT harder. I was really impressed with those two girls. They didn't have any complaints at all. I hanged out with them but I didn't think that they could be this tough. We finished the trail in 4 hours! I thought it could be 5 or 6 hours.

Then we said ourselves, 'lets reward ourselves with LOADS of food!'' haha Yes, considering our size and how none of us are nearly fat, we EAT like CRAZY! Not just that, it was all about fries, ice-cream and all that. We didn't care about anything! Since we couldn't wait to eat. MZ and I ran together to restrooms- I was running in front of her. I had been to RR the day before. So MZ just followed me; I ended up going straight to Men's room :D It was hilarious!
We had amazing moments in GC, filled with breathtaking scenery, wonderful experience, shared laughter with friends.

One day in LA

We hit the highway around 3pm. So I knew that we would arrive LA 11ish. I think I was too ambitious or pushing my limits! I woke up 5 am, did quite tough hiking for 4 hours, then 8 hours driving! I was the only driver on the trip. When I drive a road trip, I don't like to stop unless something interesting to check out like amazing views. I wanted to get there as soon as possible. But it was not an easy drive; I was of course tired, so I had moments that I was really sleepy and dull because driving straight all the way for hours is quite boring. So they caffeinated me a couple of times. MZ made really amazing coffee for me. She didn't have to do that. I could just drink regular coffee, she got stuff from the store and made it really flavorful. Then a few hours later, I got a redbull. Still we were ambitious and thought we would go out that night! CRAZY! but of course, we all looked like trash and all we thought about was FOOD.

So we went straight to this Korean restaurant there. It was pretty good Korean food. I ordered two entress yes!, Soon dubu and bibim bab. I was so tired and hungry. I ate most of it. Then we checked in at the hotel. I thought that receptionist guy was pretty good looking with beautiful blue eyes but he wasn't that friendly to us. Then we just took shower and straight to bed.

Next morning, I woke up at 8. They told me that it was the ONLY morning I woke up last and didn't bother to rush them. Yeah I was really tired. We were rested, and fresh. When we checked out, it was the same receptionist guy. But the difference is that he was all friendly and looking smiling with bright beautiful eyes :) He asked me out of the blue 'how was sleeping on the floor?' I got puzzled- well we had a king bed. So maybe he was just trying to make small talk. I said we are all small so we fit quite well on the king bed :) Then MZ and VL wanted me to ask him what to do one day in LA. So I asked him and he got all excited talking about Venice beach in Santa Monica. He said it's his favorite place. It's always fun flirting with good looking random strangers :)

Then we first went to Beverly hills and decided to have dim sum. The waiter there was quite neat looking, he seemed quite excited when we walked in. We messed with him a lot, well not intentionlly. We just had so many questions about food and stuff. He made a mistake on the bill and as an accountant I'm, I caught that right away. He said 'you guys distract me so much!" in a funny teasing way. Then he asked another credit card because after the mistake, he couldn't charge mine. MZ completely messed with him, 'which one do you want?' He didn't really know what to say or do. Finally he asked our ph #s but we didn't give it to him. :D

Santa Monica board walk was ok but the interesting place is Venice beach. The receptionist guy was right. It's pretty nice vibe, with restaurants, beer place with nice outside patio facing the ocean. It was beautiful!

The time was short, we headed out to the LAX, dropping our rental car there and caught the flight to NY. It was such an WONDERFUL trip with lots of great memories!!