Alternative life styles

My friend, A and I had this interesting conversation about friendship and different life styles while walking on the beach yesterday. She told me that someone she knows is considering to raise a family together with her female best friend. I don't know how that woman got that idea from. It sounds amazing to me! A was pretty enthusiastic about the idea and she even told me 'even you and I could do something like that! We could be dating other men time to time but we adopt kids and raise them together!' :) Because she knows that I'm not too big on the idea of settling down with a man and raising a family.

I think most of the time, a lot of women seem to have fixed life plans and goals about getting married and raising families at specific age. A lot of them have this fear " OMG, my clock is ticking!" So they marry the next guy who propose them. For some people, the plans might work out when they get lucky. Although I'm mostly optimist, this is one thing I'm always skeptical of. I think it's just too risky for your lifetime happiness. When the plans didn't work out because you married a fantasy, you are pretty screwed and stuck with lifetime unhappiness. A divorce must be such a nightmare too.

I understand that it's women's biological nature to take of children and raise a family. But they would save a lot of heartache, unnecessary emotional burden and possible lifetime unhappiness if they are more open minded about their options. Instead of putting so much pressure on yourself about settling down and raising a conventional family, why can you not raise a family together with your best friend if he/she also wants the exact same thing?

This Weekend Festivities

One of the many things I love about life is obviously FOOD. I think I appreciate food more than a lot of people I know. I have no diet restrictions - I eat anything and everything as much as I like.

Friday evening, at work, we had the BEST tasting event ever! Tasting events are organized by sourcing team of the company, where we try new products and give feedback, evaluate whether we should carry that particular product.

So last tasting, we tried out those frozen but freshly made organic products - lobster risotto, lobster mac&cheese and lobster chowder. They are all restaurant quality food! Then the same time, we tried this dessert - toffee pudding and chocolate pudding. It was just heaven!!

Thursday night, I went to a Taiwanese American Professionals party at Hudson Terrance. It was more like a clubbing than a social event I was expecting. I will write more about my thoughts on that later.

Yesterday, Saturday, I went to Jones Beach with my super awesome friend, A, her boyfriend and his cousin couple. That beach was really nice compared to all other beaches I've been in this area. The sand and the water are much nicer and cleaner. Perfect beach day! it wasn't too hot and the waves were also perfect - not too strong. My friend, A and I always have interesting conversations and we never run out of what to talk about :)

Today, I had brunch with this new friend who I met at another friend's bday party. She seems really nice and great too. These days, I always end up making more friends with women than men. It seems to me that whenever I meet new men whom I feel connected, they usually seem to want more than a friendship. I'm not against dating but it's just too much pressure for the time being. Anyways, we went to this place called Cafe Orlin which I picked. I normally have brunch in West village because those friends in WV are dominating in picking out places :) I always love brunch, it's relaxing, and comforting yourself with breakfast food with good company. The food at that place didn't convince me that much though and bad service. I don't think I'll go there again.

This evening, I met up with a group of friends at Frying Pan in Chelsea. I've been wanting to go there for a while. Last time, we cancelled because of the rain. This time, we made it even though it was raining a little bit after I got there. It must be so awesome to hang out with a few drinks on the boat in the nice weather. Once the rain slowed down, we walked over to this place called Ovest Pizzoteca in Chelsea. I've been eating pretty much typical American food this whole weekend - Angus beef burger on the beach, sweet pretzels, milk shake, egg Benedict, pizza. It's definitely not healthy but I'm totally not complaining about it :)

Inspiring little people

Yesterday, there was a company picnic at Oyster bay. A lot of people came with their families. My bosses brought their four adorable daughters.

A great example of people who live in the moment are children. They are fully 100% present in the moment. They are free of worries and fear. Since their imaginations are not fenced in by fear of past pain and failure like grownups, they are most creative.That's why Picasso said "All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once you grow up." Another amazing thing about children is that they are so curious and excited about all things surrounded them. The world is so new and exciting for them and they are so eager to know about it.

I love hanging out with children. Their full of spirit, joy and energy are contagious. And they are very bold and capable. Since children and I have mutual fondness for each other, my friends think that I'll be a great mother. But I love kids not because I want to be a mother but because I greatly enjoy and admire them. I approach them as a friend not as a grownup who tells them what to do, and who is condescending to them. I treat them with respect. I remember being a kid once myself who wanted to be friends with grownups and wanted the grownups to take me seriously.

A lot of grownups wish to be children once again because they remember having so much fun as a kid. But most of the time I think grownups are not having fun like kids not because they are grownups and have got a lot of responsibilities, but because they are so much tied up with memories of pains, failures, and worries. Actually, I think being a grownup is a wonderful thing. It's just a matter of how you apply your past experience and memories to live fully in the present. Being a grownup is learning how to avoid making the same mistake twice based on past experience. I tried, I failed, I learned,I tried again, I got it and move on!

Emotional Freedom

Most of the time, we seek freedom as in the state of being unrestrained from external restrictions and limitations. But we often neglect to free ourselves from our own emotional restraints such as fear, desire and anger.

I grew up as a Buddhist so I often try to understand why I feel how I feel. I found it so much easier to set myself free if I understand better why I'm feeling those emotions. Because once you know why, you often realize it's unnecessary.

Here is why. :) Recently, I just realized that the key to escape from all those emotional restraints is to not limit and fence in myself emotionally. For example, I have a strong desire to go to Six Flags (never been there 4 years in east coast!); I'm worried that it'll rain in the weekend I can go; then I get so angry with my friend who cancels to go in the last minute. You see it happens because I limit myself that I have to go to Six Flags this particular week with this specific friend. That's why I get so angry and frustrated. But then I ended up going to Coney Island with my best friend and had so much fun! If you really stop, think about it and ask yourself if it's Six Flags this weekend with that friend of yours is the ONLY thing that will make you happy? The answer is always NO.

Well, it's not just about Six Flags vs. Coney Island- even the bigger things in our life such as our life goals. But the main problem is that whenever we limit ourselves and are emotionally invested, we don't believe that there are PLENTY other options, opportunities and possibilities in our life that can make us EQUALLY happy or even HAPPIER. I always ask my girl friends who are upset about the guys - "Are you really SURE he is the ONLY man in the world above human kind who can make you happy?"

Reconnecting withe the Past

I consider myself of almost always living in the moment - I barely miss places and people in the past and don't worry much about the future. It's not because I don't care, it's just because I sometimes get so much caught up in the moment and feel a waste of time to carry on unnecessary emotional burden. Also it's because I always believe that there will be always another chance to be in those places or to see those people.

Life is usually so random and unpredictable. Well actually it's one of the many things I love about life! :) Sometimes things you want the most don't happen or people you cared most don't come across with your path. But then you also happen to find new opportunities you never expected of having or people you never thought that would matter to you became important in your life.

So this Sat night, I went to my friend's birthday party. We had a delicious dinner at Les Halles. Then we went to Karaoke place in Brooklyn. That Karaoke place is pretty similar to what we have back home. You get a private room for your group and they serve food/drinks while you sing. It was fun. It reminded me of who I was 9 years ago- this girl who was trying to find her way out to go to college in U.S. Karaoke was one of the social activities I did with a group of friends back then while we were all taking classes and applying schools.

Then today, I had brunch with one of my college friends. I didn't expect much at all because we were not really like close friends in college. But it turned out very nice to see her and we had great conversations about our lives. Interesting thing is that she's been living the kind of life I've been dreaming of living. Past 5 years she has been moving around and lived in different countries such as Netherlands, New Zealand, Japan, UK and now she's in NYC doing her Ph.D. It happens because sometimes she followed her husband for his job and sometimes her husband followed her when she pursued her studies in UK and now US. She said they always managed to find jobs whenever they moved around.
Sometimes, I think you shouldn't be thinking too much and just do it! :)

Life as a conventional structure

At this point in your life, you start thinking about settling down or even already settled down or you are asked about settling down. For most of us, the pattern of life follows:
1. you were born
2. go to school at 5
3. go to college in 18ish
4. start a career in mid 20s
5. get married in late 20s
6.raise a family in 30s
7.change a career or/and get a divorce in 40s or 50s
8.try to find a new purpose in life after sending your kids off to college in 50s
9.start planning for your exit in 60s/70s
10. follow the inevitable destiny - death in 70s and after

My parents have been asking me about where I'm going to settle down and whom my life partner will be.
The ideal life for me will be moving around place to place. That way, I get to know many places and many people and learn different ways of lives in all those different places. The world is so big and has so many things for one person to discover and learn about. I don't want to limit myself in one place. Maybe it's unrealistic...
The term "life partner" kind of scares me somehow. Since teenage, I have had this fear that my life won't be flexible and free if I'm tied with someone or with a family. It'd be irresponsible to enjoy all the freedom while you have someone or a family to take care of. Or it could be different if I find the right person and managed to have an unconventional family.

I know I chose one of the most inflexible career of becoming an accountant. I'm still loving my pursuit as I love numbers and how these numbers tell stories about all these businesses. A lot of things make more sense to me in quantitative terms.

So I asked myself why we need to settle down?
I think one great answer should have been that I have discovered all my options and possibilities within my intellectual and physical capacities and I have found ONE thing I absolutely love doing it in ONE particular place for the rest of my life.

But what if you see life as an adventurous journey with a series of temporary goals which you seek to achieve one after another and experience all the challenges while trying to achieve your goals?