the Thrill of Living on the Edge

"Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors." Also, skillful sailors get bored when the sea is so smooth because he doesn't get a chance to show all his skills.As much as I love to enjoy life, I believe in struggles in life. Without any struggles or obstacles to overcome, life would be really really boring. Success to me is not lack of failure or not screwing up. Success to me is surviving the state of failure and learning how to get out of being screwed up. Without knowing the pain, you don't feel so grateful about good health. Without knowing the bitterness, you don't value the sweetness so much.

My family has hard time understanding how I want to live alone in U.S. with all struggles while I can live quite luxuriously back home. My dad is a chief engineer of Myanma Timber Enterprise. Thousands of people's destiny is in his hand. ( but he doesn't abuse it.) Whenever I traveled around at home, there were staff officers of my dad following me with a separate car. They were constantly looking out for what I wanted and needed before I even said it. Every place I visited, I was welcome with a big dinner full of several dishes (my day dream) and family members of those officers waiting there to greet me. I did make every possible effort to pay for myself but they were locals so they already took care of everything- the best hotel room in the best hotel of the town, best places to have dinner and all was paid by them.
They thought I was way too humble when I wanted to eat at this little noodle shop by the street by myself. They wanted to bring it and serve me in my hotel dinning room.

It is nice to be treated like a princess but it's not my life and it's not real. It's my dad's life and his power. I don't really feel comfortable with people following me all the time although they did follow me from far to give me 'privacy'. We have a full-time driver for my dad and a part-time driver for my mom. My brother and I like driving ourselves. We have people come clean our house, do laundry and cook for us. With that kind of life, I think it's really boring and I feel so handicapped.

Now I live in the city and I don't have a car while my family with three people has 5 cars. But I love it because this is my life and I have a control over it. And I have to plan and research my options to drive on a little trip.My parents see it suffering and I see it living my life and to the fullest!

I'm almost pathetic that I crave for emergency and adventures, and love the excitements. I get bored so easily of the routines. I'm sure everyone has their own way of getting their adrenaline kick. The thing is that you don't need to get roller coaster rides or jumping out of the plane to get adrenaline kick. Well with the financial budget I have, I can't afford to do all those crazy things all the time anyways.

So my way of getting adrenaline kick has been procrastinating my school work till the last minute and doing everything in the last minute. It works sometimes and it does not. I know it sounds crazy, stupid and irresponsible sometimes. I do work so well under pressure. I get all the adrenaline kick and act everything so fast as an emergency. I think on my own feet. But when the luck is not on my side, I do miss deadlines.

When I don't get to sleep 36 hours straight being up, sleep is most enjoyable thing. When I am working so hard, I don't eat for 12 hours straight. Whatever I eat after that is the most delicious thing on earth. I'm foolish and probably pathetic. Maybe this is not the right way to live your life. But I do love the thrill of living on the edge.