Search for Buddhist Burmese in me

My best college buddy from Brazil visited me in NY about a couple of months ago. It was so nice and felt so warm like seeing a family. At one point, when I was telling him how I wanted to visit somewhere exotic and he said 'You totally sound like an American!' I have been having these thoughts and questions about national or self identities - what is American? What is Buddhist Burmese? Why is it important to belong to one group socially, politically, nationally? Where do I belong?

Also my dad once commented me- 'I wonder if you are still a pure Buddhist Burmese.' As a free spirit as I am, I barely care about what other people think about me. I've never been afraid of being who I am though I try best to be the best human being I possibly can be. That was where I struggled living in Myanmar because you are what other people perceive you. I will write more on this later.

From my observations, there are three kinds of people who live abroad for a certain period of time.
1. people who hate the foreign country they live and try really hard to not get adjusted to the new social environment due to the fear of losing their self
2.people who hate their home country and try really hard to become one of those people in the foreign country they now live
3. people who are open to new cultures and not afraid of the change and still have stronger sense of self
My admiration of course is reserved for people in category 3. So lets see which one of those three I fall under.

I myself have disgusted people who lost themselves after they left their origins while trying so hard to be someone who they are not in the process of cultural adaptation. All these questions made me wonder if I lost who I was and my self identity. So I asked myself: "Did I lose my values? Did I lose the most important things in my life? Am I still a Burmese? Am I still a Buddhist?''

Top most important things in my life are:
1.to control my own destiny
2. to not be confined physically, intellectually and emotionally
3.to live life to the fullest
4.to learn and explore

My basic values are: intelligence, independence, integrity, altruism

Gladly, I did not lose any of those. I'm still very much Burmese but with free and open mind :) Whether I'm Buddhist or not, it's still in the process of evaluating its essence in my life. I'm still very happy to go to pagodas back home as long as I'm not forced to do so.

In fact, I gained so much more of most important things and values since I left home. Of course, I did change over eight years in U.S. The biggest change is that I have become very open minded. I have tried to understand things in various points of views instead of trying to draw a line between black and white. For example, in the society I grew up, if you drink or smoke, you are a bad person. If you don't, you are good. The way people try to define who you are is based on some external facts they observe about you instead of trying to understand you as a WHOLE complex being with various dynamics.

To be socially accepted in Myanmar, one has to follow those standards generally accepted by the society. I disliked all those rules and standards making me feel so restricted but I did follow all those standards and managed to be a so called good Buddhist Burmese girl :) But the sad thing is that it did not show who I was. It was more of this standard female creature generated from a Burmese social machine. I barely had a chance to express my opinions, thoughts and hopes.

So to be socially accepted in U.S., what do you do? Just be yourself! I realized that being American means being who you are. This country and culture focus on individuality. Of course, there is pop culture experience you share and other whole experience. But it's not limited to any race, ethnicity, religion or political ideology.

Not everything in U.S is good as much as not everything in Myanmar is bad. Good things and bad things are usually everywhere at the same time- they are sometimes closely tied in each other.

I did not lose myself a tiny bit. Instead, I was able to explore who I am. In U.S., I'm totally free to be myself, retain my values and expand myself intellectually. I learned that you do not lose yourself and identity when you have grown intellectually but you lose yourself and self identity when you try so hard to become someone else while adapting to a new culture