I have been in the longest slump of my life. I used to be very ambitious and driven, and believed that anything was possible even when all odds were against me.
First and foremost problem was that I started having doubts about myself and my abilities, giving excuses about all the external situations starting from not going to an Ivy league to not being on top of my graduation class in college. Of course, I didn't have clear goals that would drive me to study harder. I was unsure if it was even worth to bother trying anything. Then I just went on my life as 'wherever' it took me. I really didn't have any goals or ambitions after I graduated from college. Not a great start. I did manage to find a job in NY. Then I was working with a very strong woman, who was my direct supervisor, CFO of the company and she is an E&Y alum. She inspired me very much and I decided to pursue an accounting career.
I enrolled at Baruch College for MS Accounting. I was very excited in the beginning but then during a job search, I started having doubts again. I found myself in the middle of all those other fellow graduate students competing to get into BIG 4 accounting firms. Then I realized that all those people did not care about anything but having "BIG 4" name attached to their resumes, getting a high-paid job and having a 'status'. I asked myself if any of those matters to me. I did not want to be one of those people. And also when I looked into those institutions, I found out that a bunch of women in entry level positions, and less and less women as it goes up to the higher up positions. At the very top management level, partners at accounting firms are dominated heavily by men.
Then I really was not sure that it was worth pursuing. I started thinking that I would just work enough to live a fun life with friends in NYC and to travel the world whenever I could. I would not try to get myself tied down with pursuing a career that seems to be meaningless and not going anywhere. So I actively pursued all the fun I could afford in NYC and had been having an awesome time.
Then a couple of months ago, a friend of mine asked me if I think modern corporate America has any barriers for women to pursue their careers equally as men. He said he doubt it but he has seen many articles that women are complaining about inequality in workforce. I gave it a thought and I do not have enough knowledge about environments in Corporate America. But, I did notice that a lot of women drop out of pursuing their careers once they start raising families. Then, my question is whether these women 'happily chose' to stop pursuing their careers or they gave up because they did not think that the career was worth pursuing because it's all dominated by men at the top.
I just started reading Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In" and it inspires me in so many ways and gives me a lot of thoughts. Well she said it's a 'chicken and egg' problem. The institutions have unspoken/unwritten barriers for women to further their careers. More and more opportunities are likely to be given to men because men are believed to stay and further their careers in the organization. This, in turn, discourages women to even expect or aspire to try to even pursue their careers further because they do not think that it is worth it so they just decided to run home and raise their children.
I was very lucky enough to be born and raised in a family that treated me equally as my brother although my mom was more traditional in that sense. Both my parents made me believe that anything was possible regardless of me being a girl. However, I was repeatedly told by my mom that I should not get married because I'd become a successful woman one day and NO SUCCESSFUL/GOOD MAN would want a successful woman. She said I would only get one of those worthless men who want to 'depend on women'. I did not know how to take that advice back then. But since I was 15-16 years old, I was worried whether I could become a successful woman AND marry a good man AND become a good mom/wife. I thought that was too much to ask for and I thought that I could not 'have it ALL." The boys never had to worry about these things. They just pursue whatever they want and life favorably takes care of them whatever they wish to pursue.
A lot of times, I thought that it would be 'selfish' of me to choose to work while I should be taking care of my family/kids at one point in my life. Men would never think that it's 'selfish' of them to work and have their wives take care of the family. I knew from my own experience how great it was to have a stay-home mom who took care of us full-time. But I did not think why I "EXPECT" that care from my mom instead of from my dad and/or from both. I myself 'accepted' that women should be this and men should be that.
I did not understand up until I read "Lean In" why we, women, have to worry about these things. Well it is all because we have been living in a society that men and women are treated differently and expected differently. I forgot the fact that modern men do not have to go hunt to find food and feed the family, and protect the family from wild animals. Nonetheless, women remain to be expected to take care of the family at home.
If we want an equal world where men and women are treated equally, change has to come 'within us'. Each and everyone of us must believe that women could aspire to pursue ANY life goals, and should 'expect' and be given 'equal' choices and opportunities as men regarding education, career, family and all. That way, we will be able to change institutions to provide equal opportunities for those women who "choose'' to pursue their dreams and goals within those institutions and beyond...
