Cold inside and out

This is the time of the year here in the U.S that the weather is pretty cold outside but it is quite warm inside not because of radiators but because of family and loved ones. Most of the families get together either or both during thanksgiving and X-mas.

I had misunderstanding about family ties in this culture. I used to think that people here are so independent that they are not supposed to have a close family tie. It's not true at all. I remember some of my international friends criticizing when they saw all those families around college campus during freshman year orientation, homecoming etc. I myself also thought that to be independent you have to cut your family ties. I just realized that being independent and loving/caring your family are two separate things but not the opposite things - they can coexist together.

All my life, I've been trying so hard to loose my family tie. My desire to grow up has been so overwhelming that I don't want to depend on my family emotionally, financially and intellectually. So now I feel like I've been drifting apart and growing apart from my family. But the strange thing is that they all still love me even when I don't speak to them the whole month. They tell me how much they miss me and how much they want me back home. I always reacted like they are being so demanding and not letting me grow up. I'm really a bad child and have been really selfish.

I used to compare them with American parents and thought that American parents let their children grow up and give them full independence. Whenever my parents tell me they miss me and want me back home, I feel I'm emotionally pressured and consider they were threatening my independence. But now that I think about it, I remember my host-mom was really reluctant to send her daughter college so far away from home. ( I had a host family when I was in college with whom I can hang out during holidays and have occasional dinners, shopping etc.) I was surprised when she said 'Smith is in MA and it's so far away from CO." I demanded my family to let me go study in the other side of the world, and had a hard time understanding when they said they missed me. Also when I was staying with my professor family during some holiday break, his wife, who was also a professor, told me that 'why do I always have to cry every time my sons leave after the holiday visit?' I consider her really strong woman because she's not like a stay-home-mom who has nothing to do but taking care of the family.

Parents are just parents everywhere. Here in this culture, even if they know that their children leave home one day, they still have a hard time dealing with it. So it must be even harder for my parents who live in the culture where children live with the family until they get married. I have been really stupid and harsh on my parents.

Well I just learned that I can love my family and need them in certain ways and I can still be independent. Now it is the time of the year, most of my friends are going home to spend time with their family and loved ones. In my own little world, it's cold both outside and cold inside....