I had it. Did I?

"Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.'' - Khalil Gibran

I often struggle with "I lost this thing; I missed this opportunity; I lost this person''. People say ''Get over it and move on; Let go and don't waste your time.'' It is much easier said than done. In reality, when I lost something or someone, I just feel as if this is it, I feel lost and hopeless. Often times, I hardly know what are appropriate actions to take in order to overcome those depressing times. I know there are a bunch of self-help guides out there but most of the times, they just guide me to get 'distracted' from what I am feeling.

Sooner or later, I do bounce back from sadness, obstacles or great loss, no matter how big the loss is. However, I don't want to leave it at that. I want to understand how I bounce back each and every time, what I learn and how I continue living after a loss of any kind. How do I let go every time?

So I gave it a thought and reflected on my losses and my 'reactions' towards those losses. Often times, I put limitations on all the things I want and set the condition for my happiness - I 'have to' have this; I have to do this; I want to be with this person. Otherwise, I am incomplete; there is 'no better' thing out there for me. There is no other options or opportunities out there. There is no other way for me to be happy without this particular someone. As much as each thing, opportunity and person are unique and important to me in different ways at different times, I have been defining myself attached with all those things and love and care of the other person that were offered to me as gifts. That's the reason why I felt as if a part of me lost with someone or I lost something I owned, and thus, that made me become incomplete as a person or deprived of an ownership of certain things.

There is the moment I finally realized that I do not have or own anything or anyone. Once I realized that, it's a great relief that I can't lose what I never had. In fact, I've just been so lucky to be offered things to use; offered care and love of people; offered many opportunities to pursue my dreams; offered chances to experience great moments of my life. I know it is much more difficult to think that way when you bought a house worth millions of dollars and spent a life together with someone for 30-40 years or even more.

I continued questioning myself if I invest a lot more money or time in a property or a person, do I get to own it or him or her? If I gave a lot, I must be entitled to ownership, isn't it reasonable? I'm afraid the answer is 'No'. Then what's the use of money or intellectual effort or emotional investment or time? Money was created to use for efficiency in exchanging things among us so that we can all share and enjoy all the gifts our mother Earth provides us. However, problem arises when some of us want more than others. Mother nature blessed us with capability to learn, love and care for others so that we can fully enjoy our limited time on earth. However, we want to exchange those gifts for ownership of more things, love and care. I know this is too idealistic. Still, I will try one bit at a time. I will learn to be more grateful for all the gifts I'm offered, and giving more and sharing my gifts with others. Every time, I feel I lost something or someone, I will just ask myself “Did I?’’